Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength. No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster.  - 14th Dalai Lama

I met my ex-husband in 2000 and married in 2006. Our firstborn was a micro-preemie and remained in the NICU until Feb 17th. We were told he wouldn't survive. We were both social drinkers at the time but I noticed the stress of son's birth caused my husband to drink more. The stress was no joke, especially for first-time parents. I never missed a single day of visiting him at the hospital; while my ex-husband's visits were kind of hit or miss.   The increased drinking changed the way my ex-husband talked to me and treated me. I started planning an "escape route" when I found out we were pregnant again. His drinking continued and worsened. I had stopped drinking while breastfeeding for almost 2 years. Our second child was born in 2010 and by this time, their father was drinking daily and angered easily. I was counting on him to take care of our first child along with some household chores while I was in the hospital recovering, instead, he called my parents and asked them to get our son because he wanted to bond with our newborn. I waited until midnight for him to get to the hospital but he never came. He showed up the next morning as we were being discharged. When I came home from the hospital, he was drunk which triggered another argument and he ended up slapping me across the face while holding our newborn son in my arms. That wasn't the first time he'd put his hands on me, but I was appalled. After that incident, I lost respect for him and didn't want to be anywhere near him.  In late 2015, he joined a ministry at the church. I just KNEW God was at work because, for years, I'd tried to convince him to go to church with us, but he was content staying home. April 16, 2017 (Easter Sunday) was the beginning of the end...yet another argument and before I knew it, he was choking me. I fixed myself up to go to jury duty as best I could and when I arrived home, I found him passed out on the bed drunk. I knew I couldn't do this anymore. We divorced a few years later, we were officially divorced and I am in a much better place. Since our divorce, he has reminded me repeatedly that he is a changed man and wants his family back together, but it's too late. I am NEVER going back to that place I was once in...EVER! By God's amazing grace, these boys and I have made it through without him and doing even better today. Some days were harder than others, but we have never been threatened with eviction/foreclosure, had any utilities cut off, or gone without food...I mean seriously, NOBODY CAN TELL ME GOD AINT REAL!  My family/support system is simply amazing and I couldn't have done it without them. I went from working two jobs to being promoted at my full-time job. I still have a part-time job but I work when I want to not because I NEED to.  These boys and I have been blessed beyond measure and I can't thank God enough. As we approached Christmas, I proudly looked at our beautiful tree (which I couldn't even afford a few years ago). As I looked at our stockings hanging on the fireplace (Mom, my two sons, and our dog) I struggled to hold back tears (I'm not big on crying either). I went from walking on eggshells and living in fear (even AFTER a restraining order was filed when he went to jail), to living...like REALLY living. Today, my ex-husband and I along well and co-parent great, all for the sake of our sons. I know he has his regrets and still wants his family back, but I'm afraid that's a mistake he is going to have to live with for the rest of his life. If my story helps encourage even ONE woman to get out of a bad situation (BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY - but don't stab him, sis, lol), then I'll be satisfied with the way God used me. It may take years to get through my issues and trust another man enough to let him close to me, but I believe God has a happy ending for my story.